About 5 weeks before Hester died, we had a very difficult conversation about what she wanted to happen after she died. Oddly, the high point of this conversation was us finding a coffin that she wanted to have. This may make more sense when you see the pictures of the day, as the coffin she chose was a beautiful object in its own right.

 

Hester had asked for only a few things, saying that the rest was for the people there, not for her;

• She wanted the coffin we had found

• She wanted lots of flowers

• She wanted everyone to wear bright colours

• She wanted people to be happy - with reason of course

• She wanted just one piece of music: Island by Heather Nova - a track we had listened to a lot while travelling around Australia together.

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What was extremely apparent from that conversation was that Hester did not want a "funeral", she wanted bright colours, she wanted everyone to be as happy as they could be, given the event, and (without it being explicitly said) she wanted it to be a Celebration.

 

On the morning of Friday 8th November, I sat down with the extremely difficult task of having to start thinking about and making the arrangements for this day. One of the first things I saw was the "traditional" black hearses that carry the coffin, and I instantly knew that there was absolutely no way I could put Hester into one of those vehicles, or put that beautiful coffin into one either. It took about 5 minutes for me to work out and decide that I would carry Hester in the VW van that I bought in Sydney, and was driving when I subsequently met Hester two weeks later. The same van that we drove around Australia in and brought back to the UK and have had ever since. This started the whole process of creating what was a very specific event for Hester. It was not a funeral, it was a Celebration of her life, and it was built from the few wishes she had given me, and the love and memories of her friends and family.

 

It was the main thing that kept me going for the two weeks between Hester dying and the Celebration day itself. I quickly decided that I did not want a standard ceremony in the crematorium, limited to a 45 minute time slot and minimal scope for "creativity" so with the support of a close friend I found a venue that while not perfect, was significant because it was large, close to the nursery where Millie had gone and Maika was still going, and also just across the road from the veterinary practice where two of our cats (including her gorgeous ginger cat Juri) had needed to be put to sleep. Although the hall needed a lot of work, I asked for the help of friends and family, and before I knew it planning sessions were being held and ideas bounced off me, tablecloths, PA systems and lecterns were being donated for the day. And on the day itself, there were even people on their hands and knees removing overgrown grass and plants from the stones and pillars at the front of the hall. People arrived 2 hours early to start setting up everything, and people stayed afterwards to tidy up and move everything to the venue for the party in the evening.

 

Having the main celebration in the hall meant that we had time to do things properly, so I spent a significant amount of time often into the early hours of the morning planning and rewriting what would happen, identifying music and finding places where those who wanted to speak would have an opportunity to do so.

 

One of the parents at Millie's school is a florist, and she went as far as to take orders for flowers from people, make them up, and donate all of the profits towards Hester's JustGiving fund for the Isabel Hospice. I had been slightly concerned that with so many people donating to the charity fund, there would not be enough flowers, but I was gladly proven very wrong on that front. Not only did Ellie at Wild Ivy produce the most amazing flowers, bouquets and arrangements came in from all over and (as I had told people would be fine) it looked like people had cleared out several local supermarkets of all bright flowers for the day. My colleagues at work had also had a collection, and with part of the money had sent 120 roses and big bunches of sunflowers, which all went to fill the van on the day.

 

I spent a lot of time converting the van so that it could safely carry her. Millie and Maika wanted to come in the van as well, so I ensured that I could safely fit both of their car seats in addition; for the last time we would drive together in the van as a family. I had had a number of discussions with the girls and we had decided to paint the sides of the van with pictures. On the Tuesday (the only dry day before the Celebration, but bitterly cold), we cleaned the van and then Millie sketched her design of a picture of the four of us on one side, while I painted the outline of a big heart on the other. Millie then painted the people in the family with our "favourite" colours (insisting that I was wearing a blue stripy shirt for some reason ;) and we all filled the heart with our handprints. Once it had dried I then spent half the evening spraying multiple coats of lacquer over it to protect it. The final touches when everything else was together was to stick sparkly flowers all over the inside and roof which we did together on the morning of the Celebration.

 

And it was wonderful. Many comments have come back to me to say how amazing it was, and how it was nothing like anything most people had experienced before. And, although it was sad for most people there, the love and devotion that we, her friends and family were demonstrating on the day, meant that people also left feeling uplifted and even more grateful to have known such an amazing person... It is a day that will be remembered by many people for many years to come.

 

I will add full scripts of the day as well as videos taken on the day as soon as I can...